My Life Without Showers: A Tale of Moderately Epic Proportions
by redcap64
Summary: I should have seen this coming. But I didn't. Not that it mattered now though. My life would vanish and nobody would care that I was gone, fore I had nobody that cared that I was here to begin with. That was okay. I had learned about the cruel whims of fate. I had learned about it and I had excepted it long ago because, as a wise man once said: Life sucks. And then you die.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Everything that is recognizable is not mine and has been crafted by the mortal god Tolkien. I own Alex and Alex alone. I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>I was dropped from a very high height.<p>

On my ass.

In a lake.

In a forest.

In between my two favorite places, known by all as where-the-hell-am-I? and I-don't-fucking-know.

"SHIT!" This was the perfect way to finish of a 'perfect' day. Yep! Just fan-fucking-tastic. Great. Grumbling, I hauled myself to my feet and stumbled towards the edge of the lake, cursing in increasing volume until I reached the shore. Hauling myself from the water, I flopped onto the ground, dropping my mostly ruined backpack beside me. With a groan I tried to remember how I had managed to fall into a forest. The last thing I could recall was starting the final Lord of the Rings movie with my friend, Cara, and then… nothing. No flash of light, or searing pain. Nope. Short of being drugged and transported all the way to a forest to be dropped from a helicopter, I had no idea how I could have possibly ended up in the woods. Frowning, I forced myself to believe that this was some intense prank designed solely to cause me pain and suffering.

Fighting back my rapidly forming thoughts of murder, I sat up, reaching for my bag. If I was going to be stuck in this forest, I at least hoped that the guilty party, or parties, had been decent enough to pack me something useful, like a phone, or tampons. Turning my bag upside down, I allowed the contents to fall onto the ground, none too pleased with what I discovered. Laying before me was my phone (and earphones), a laptop, last weeks rough draft of my paper from my university course (dripping wet, I might add), an array of makeup produces kept inside my makeup bag, as well as my hair brush and two ponytails, a boring as hell biology textbook (not nearly as destroyed as my paper), seven tampons of varying sizes and a solar charger, which I always carried with me. Oh, and a ball of lint, two button and the crumpled up number of the guy that I had met at a party last week.

Somehow I had gotten lucky with my clothing. No wandering through a forest dressed in my pajamas. Instead I had on leggings, a hoodie and, surprisingly, my black combat boots. That definitely threw me for a loop and it didn't help that now everything was soaked. Shoving my things back into my bag forcefully, I reached for the phone, prepared to dial Cara's number and ask her what the hell had happened. Picking it up I entered the first few digits, praying that it had lived up to its "water-proof" claims and hoped for even one bar of cell reception. Before I could hit the call button though, I felt something sharp shove into the back of my neck, causing me to wince. "Stand slowly, stranger, and turn so we may look upon your face." The voice came out in a growl, sending shivers down my spine. Dropped in the woods with a deranged psychopath holding a knife, nice going guys.

Turning as he had instructed, I did a double take when I realized that what was digging into my spine was, in fact, an arrow, ready to be fired into my heart if I so much as quirked an eyebrow the wrong way. What really got me, though, was the man holding the bow. He was stunning, with pale skin, blond hair and piercing blue eyes narrowed into sharp points that studied my face. The look of hostility on his face was unmistakable and it was enough to stop me from laughing at his medieval clothing. Looking behind him I was two other men, each carrying swords, an extremely old grandpa with a gray robe and pointy blue hat, four rather short child-like men with large knives strapped to their sides and an only slightly taller man with a huge red beard and a large ax.

Backing up slowly, I looked in all directions for a way to escape, hoping that whoever was holding the bow and arrow didn't know how to use it. Stepping forwards, one of the men stopped in front of me, putting his hand upon the shoulder of the lunatic with the bow. He lowered it, but never once let his eyes stray from mine, more alert than most humans were possible of. The new man, with brown hair and a chin covered with stubble regarded me curiously, making me shift nervously under his gaze._ I just want to go home,_ I called out silently to the heavens, _is that too much to ask?_ Apparently is was, because in the next moment the man was talking.

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, what bring you these woods, my lady?"

A rather _un_ladylike snort escaped me as realization slowly dawned on me. I was stuck in the middle of a rather large, rather strange convention and these nine extremely dedicated fans were rather impressive actors. I grinned, unable to stop myself. "Right," I stated sarcastically, "and this here is Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and," I scanned the group, finally managing to spot Frodo, "That's Frodo, the bearer of the One Ring." Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms and glared at the "Fellowship". "Look, if you'll just point me towards the nearest highway, or building or something, I'll get out of your hair and let you continue with your bloody quest thingy. Really I just want to go ho-."

I was cut off as the arrow was once again leveled at one of the many vital organs in my body. "What is your name, witch? And how do you know of our journey?" 'Legolas' growled, he had an uncanny resemblance to Orlando Bloom, and it made me wonder how he, and all the rest of the group, had managed to look so much like their characters.

"What is my name? Like I'm going to tell a complete stranger what my name is. For all I know you're a pedophile, or a stalker that stairs into little girls bedrooms." He seemed affronted that I would dare to even think such things of him, his face flashing from shock to anger again. "Help me out here Gandalf," I continued, "You seem like a sensible old man. I'm sure you can see that this nutter has gone crazy and that you should let me go." A growl escaped Legolas lips, while Aragorn and Boromir looked surprised at the language falling from my own.

"In this I must agree with Legolas," Gandalf responded, causing my heart to sink, "It is strange that you should know so much about us when we know so little about you." I had to give them props for staying in character, but it was starting to really get on my nerves.

Sighing, I gritted my teeth and prepared to play along, hoping that it would get me out of here faster than arguing. Mentally cursing myself, I called on the vast knowledge of Mary Suedom that I contained and tried to work the men for all they were worth. "My name, kind sirs, is Alex Prout and I have been thrust into this realm by no doing of my own. The dark lord Saur-." _This is not going to work._ "Look," I continued, immediately changing tactics. Words like that were painful to read, let alone say. "My jackass friends have dropped me off in the middle of nowhere and I just really have to get back to my dorm. I have a test in two days that I have to study for and Cara's going to be so pissed off if I don't help her shop for her meet-the-parents-meal outfit. Please, I'm begging you. Just tell me how to get back to North Ridge University and you won't have any need to impale me with pointy sticks." I directed the last part of my speech towards the Orlando Bloom lookalike and received another glare in return.

When nobody moved to give directions I took a step forwards, reaching for Legolas' ear. "Oh come on! Look, I'll admit it, you guys can act, but break character for one damn moment and help a girl out." With a none to gentle pull I grabbed onto Legolas's ear and yanked, all the while continuing my rant. "Elves don't exist! And neither do dwarves, or hobbits, or wizards. We are not in Rivendell, or wherever the hell you think you are and these goddamn ears are fake!" With another tug I pulled at the ear again, before Legolas could stop me. Instead of feeling the fake ear come off into my hand as I had expected, I was rewarded with a cry of pain. Stopping, I studied the ear more closely, before I was forcibly shoved away from the elf. It didn't even cross my mind to be concerned about the fact that I was being man handled, as it slowly dawned on me that the ears were, in fact, real. As were the gigantic feet of the four hobbits and the bushy beard of the dwarf.

I could feel myself growing pale as the overwhelming urge to vomit consumed me. This was not a convention, I was not in a dream and I probably wasn't going to get out of this alive. Honestly, I had physically assaulted an elf, insulted the same elf, called everyone crazy (more or less), and made a not particularly polite insinuation about Gandalf's age. He was old, but that didn't mean you were supposed to tell the guy. Forcing down the bile that was rising in my throat I turned to Gandalf, pleading. "Please! Please, just send me home. I'm begging you. You have to know how to send me back. I'll do anything"

Gandalf looked at me, realization dawning in his eyes. "Let her go, Aragorn," he finally said, moving towards us, "And put away that insufferable weapon." He glanced pointedly at Legolas. I was dropped ungracefully onto the ground, before I could manage to catch myself. I could hear the hobbits whispering amongst themselves and felt Boromir's eyes upon me, but I refused to look at any of them, save for Gandalf. "You are not from around here," he finally stated. _Well, no shit Sherlock._ Thankfully I managed to hold my tongue, which was quite a difficult task for someone like me. "Where do you hail from child?"

Child? Really? I'm not that young._ Of all the things to get annoyed about,_ I chided myself, _that's what comes to mind?_ Blocking out my mental babbling, I responded, hoping that honesty was, in fact, the best policy. "I'm from, uh, London, in a country called England. It's not anywhere close by." Obviously.

"Listen to these lies she feeds us," Boromir finally cut in, "Surely she is a spy of Sauron." _Thanks Boromir, truly, that was just what I needed._ "She cannot be trusted. We must do away with her quickly if our quest is to prevail."

"Yes," I said, the words escaping my mouth without thought, "I'm the problem." My eyes widened at what I had said and I quickly slammed a hand across my mouth, mortified. I couldn't tell them their fates. Honestly, what had I been thinking? Maybe that one sentence had changed the entire story line. I shuddered, thinking of a world run by Sauron, the ring placed firmly upon his finger.

"Are you insinuating that I will be the downfall of this journey?" Boromir questioned, his words laced with steel.

My eyes widened as I backed up, colliding with Aragorn. With relief Gimli jumped to my defense, much to my surprise. "I say we learn what 'er purpose is 'ere, 'ey Gandalf. And then we can "do away with 'er" as Boromir so wisely said." _Never mind._

"Well said, master dwarf," Gandalf responded, turning towards me again. The hobbits had still not spoken up. "How have you come to be here? And what do you know of our quest? Be truthful, my Lady, for I do not wish to have my patience strained."

Gulping I nodded. I didn't want to be used as a pin cushion either, so Gandalf and I were on the same page. "Um, you probably won't believe me, but I have no idea how I ended up here. I just, sorta, fell from the sky." I coughed nervously as they gave me disbelieving looks. "Yeah, so uh, in my word, Earth, you're all characters in a famous ass book about the ring and your quest to destroy it. You know, to Mount Doom and all that." I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, wondering if I should continue. "The whole thing is written out, even the stuff with Aragorn and Arwen, Saruman's betrayal, that kinda thing." At the mention of Arwen and Saruman, exclamations of shock echoed around me. "So, uh, basically I know everything that's gonna happen, which by the way I am not going to tell you. I was pretty damn pleased with the ending, although fingers were needlessly lost, so I'm not willing to change anything."

Gandalf looked at me thoughtfully before he spoke. "It is under strange circumstances you have arrived before us, if everything you say is true. Do you have proof of your claims?"

I nodded, reaching for the cell phone that I had dropped when Legolas shoved his arrow into my neck. "It's a cell phone," I said, hoping to make them understand what it did. "You can call other cell phones from anywhere in my world and talk to whoever is on the other end."

"What did I tell you?" Boromir growled, "Witch craft and evil are all that she will bring upon us. Go on then girl, show us how it works."

I realized too late that I had probably chosen a bad example. Looking at their expectant faces, I grudgingly admitted the truth. "I can't," I finally said, "Your world has no cell towers and nobody to call, but," I hastily added, "It does other things too, like play music and take videos." Quickly I unlocked it and pressed play, choosing one of the few classical songs that I had, so as not to cause even more harm. Introducing technology already changed the story line. With a jump Aragorn backed away from me as the music began, filling the bank by the river with the gently notes of a piano. I shut if off quickly, only letting it play for a few moments, praying that they would believe me.

I smiled when I heard Pippin whisper to Merry. "Are there tiny minstrels locked inside that music box?"

Gandalf recovered first, his face straight, yet his eyes twinkling with mirth. He seemed pleased and it made me nervous. "It would appear the truth has become know, you will come with us Lady Alex of the Prout, for your knowledge of future events may aid us in our goal."

I frowned, shaking my head. There was no bloody way I was going to their quest. No! No, no, no, no, no. That was not going to happen. "Look, Gandalf, you're a nice guy and all, but there's only supposed to be nine people in the Fellowship and honestly, I'm not a big fan of some of the events that take place between now and the end of this journey. Just, uh, drop me off at the nearest village and you can continue on your way. You know, now that I think about it, you could always send me back. That would be great. Let me just…" I trailed off as Gandalf pinned me under his gaze. It was the look that my mother always used to use when I had done or said something exceptionally dense.

"I cannot send you back, Lady Alex, and you _will_ come with us. If your knowledge were to fall into the wrong hands it could mean the end of us all. When we reach Lothlorien you may consult with the Lady Galadriel and see if she can shed some light upon your arrival. Until then, you shall remain with the Fellowship." I gulped and nodded. There was an underlying "or else", that seemed to accompany his words and I wasn't very fond of discovering what that might include. "Let us continue on our way," Gandalf called loudly, silencing the protests that had begun to form on the tongues of more than one of my new traveling companions.

Knowing that any more protesting would be pointless, I picked up my bag that was lying on the ground, long since forgotten and, grudgingly, trudged to the back of the brigade, ending up beside the hobbits. They eyed me with a mixture of wonder and fascination, looking as though they wanted to ask me something. Fed up with how my day was going I wasn't able to contain myself as I snapped at them. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." Instantly I forced down my anger, feeling sorry for the hobbits when hurt crossed their faces. They had done nothing to me and I was still treating them like a bitch. With a sigh I began to apologize, "Look, guys, I'm sorry about that. I'm having an absolutely horrible day, but that doesn't give me any reason to behave like a bitch." I gave them a smile, hoping to make up for it.

"It is okay, my Lady. My name is -"

"Samwise Gamgee, yeah I know." The hobbit looked surprised that I knew his name, but I continued on hoping to forge at least one friendship on this trip. "And please, don't call me Lady, it's rather embarrassing."

Sam looked even more startled at this request. "But, Lady Alex, it is only proper to address a maiden such as yourself with this title."

I shot him a look. "Just, uh, don't do it please." I repeated, hoping that he would listen. Finally, after some thought Sam nodded, resigning himself to my request.

We lapsed into silence, four hobbits and one human walking together, until, "What is a pic-ture?" Pippin asked, causing the other hobbits to perk up and listen.

"It's like a painting of sorts, taken with technology. It captures a moment in time forever, as long as the picture is never lost."

Pippin's eyes widened, amazed at the concept.

"Do you have any pic-tures with you?" Merry questioned, curious.

I smiled and nodded, glad that the hobbits, at least, wanted me along on their travels. Frodo joined in then, requesting to see one as well. Pulling out my phone I opened it up to the photo gallery and pulled up the first picture that appeared. It was a photo of Cara and I, posing on her bed. Her raven colored hair contrasted with my golden locks and her tanned skin made me look even more pale than usual. The hobbits all gathered around the small screen, staring at us with wonder. Gimli had wandered over as well, curious as to what was occupying the hobbits attention so thoroughly.

"Who is she?" Frodo questioned, pointing towards Cara.

I frowned, realizing how much I missed her. I probably wasn't ever going to see her again, unless I somehow managed to find my way home. "That's Cara. We're roommates back at my old place. She's my best friend." The hobbits nodded and continued to stare at the picture.

"Is their anymore?" Pippin finally asked, his eyes hopeful. With a grin I slid my finger across the screen, moving to the next photograph, one of Cara and I drinking at a party. Changing the picture again, I quickly shut off the phone, hoping that none of them had seen the image. It was a photo of me making out with the guy who I had the number of, topless. My cheeks flushed pink when I came to the sudden realization that I had, without a doubt, almost shown what some might consider porn to a small pack of impressionable young hobbits.

Ignoring the protests of the group, I quickly jogged ahead of them, praying that nobody would disturb me.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Everything that is recognizable is not mine and has been crafted by the mortal god Tolkien. I own Alex and Alex alone. Enjoy!**

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><p>I had to stifle a scream as my thoughts were interrupted by a hand grabbing onto my shoulder. For the rest of the day the Fellowship had left me alone, only having Gandalf approach me with some food. He had managed to fend off all attempts at conversation on my part, which I was extremely grateful for, as I only talked to him in an attempt to be polite. When anybody else tried to approach me, he had kept them away as well, distracting them from their original goal. He may have forced me to go this damn quest with them, but at least he was trying to make it as enjoyable as possible. Either that or he wanted me to be miserable and, conveniently, was playing right into my hands. Turning around quickly I realized, with great surprise, that it was not Gandalf who had approached me this time, but instead Legolas, the all too trigger happy elf of my wost nightmares, with the face of an angel. <em>Why were the hot ones always jerks?<em>

I quickly moved away from his hand, waiting for him to say something. With an indifferent gaze he looked at me for a moment before delivering his news. "We will set up camp here, Lady Alex. You may rest by the fire." A look of relief must have washed over my face because he tried to hide a smile as he turned away. I was exhausted, not being used to walking for hours on end without rest. I missed my bed and my couch and cars. I would have even gladly taken the 2 am bus through downtown if it stopped me from having to walk another meter. But Legolas, oh Legolas. He was still perfect, his hair groomed without any stray pieces and his body lacking any signs of weariness.

"Bloody elves," I mumbled, wandering over to where Sam had already begun to make soup. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Legolas laugh quietly. "With their bloody hearing, and their bloody hair and their bloody good looks." I shot a glare in his direction, but he had once again commenced his well-played act of ignoring my presence and refused to look at me. I looked away and carefully sat down beside Sam, watching him add some herbs into the liquid. The smell rolled off the surface of the soup in waves, causing my stomach to growl loudly, much to Merry and Pippin's amusement. Before long the men had managed to set up the camp and were prepared to eat.

Waiting off to the side I hoped that I would be included in the meal, but I refused to bring myself to asking. When everybody had finished grabbing their dishes I was more than pleased when Frodo came towards me and handed me a wooden bowl full of soup and a wooden spoon to complete the set. I smiled gratefully at him and dug in, barely registering the heat that was coming off it. Satisfied with my full stomach and growing increasingly tired from a day of exercise, I walked by bowl back towards the group, giving it to Pippin who appeared to have dish duty for the night. Smiling at the hobbit, Gimli and Gandalf, I returned to my spot at the side of the camp and threw down my pack, using it as a pillow. The moment my head hit the pillow I fell asleep.

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><p>I slowly came to awareness, feeling an uncomfortable ache in my neck and a rock digging into my side. Just as I was about to rise I heard my name quietly mentioned. I could tell instantly it was Aragorn and Legolas, arguing about what to do with me.<p>

"I do not feel that her presence here will bode well for us," Legolas hissed, angry. It seemed as though they had talked about this before, although having been with them for less than 24 hours I wasn't sure when they would have had the opportunity.

"I do not entirely trust her as well, mellon nin, but Gandalf believes in her, as do the hobbits and even Gimli. She will remain until we find a reason for her to leave, or we reach Lothlorien." Aragorn's voice was weary. His travels had already begun to take a tole on him and we hadn't even reached the Mines of Moria yet. Not wanting to hear anything else about how untrustworthy I was considered, I pulled myself up into a sitting position, rolling my neck to get out the cricks.

As everyone packed, I thought ahead to what I knew was going to come. I was startled from my thoughts when Pippin and Merry wandered up to me, chatting happily. Handing me an apple they began telling me of the Shire, even though I knew most of what they told me. In return I told them little things about Earth, like about televisions and taxes and the subway.

The days continued in a similar fashion, wake up, eat, hang out with the hobbits, walk, walk, walk, exchange a few words with Gandalf, Gimli or Aragorn, walk, still more walking, ignore and/or exchange a few rather rude comments with Boromir, walk some more, get stopped by Legolas, eat, and then finally sleep. Only to be woken up again the next morning and repeat the process all over again. Once Legolas spotted an Orc, but he shot it down with his bow before it came within 50 yards of the camp.

It was on one of these days, when the day had slowly bled into the dusk and Merry and Pippin were training with their swords the unthinkable happened.

Legolas approached.

To talk.

"How are you faring, Lady Alex?"

The questione caught me off guard and all I could think to say was, "What have I told you about that whole lady bullshit?"

Legolas quirked an eyebrow at my response, "Please La- Alex," he caught himself at the last moment. Progress was slow with these medieval buffoons, but it was still progress. "Would you kindly refrain from using such, eh, crude language?"

I snickered, "Is this because I'm a woman?" I questioned, knowing that was more than likely the reason, "Or is it because I am at the young and impressionable age of 24 and Prince Legolas wishes to defend my honor." I pretended to swoon as I said Legolas's name, grinning when he blinked in surprise.

"You are only twenty four? But you are so young still! Nothing but a child!"

"Um… ouch? That is what _mortal humans_ like to call offensive." I shot Legolas a look, quirking my eyebrow in much the same way that he did to me. I had been practicing it and it was appearing to be paying off. The others of the group had stopped to turn during our discussion, looking almost as surprised as Legolas.

"Only 24 lassie? You are the youngest of us all," Gimli cried, just as shocked as Legolas.

I groaned, having had a happy reprieve from the teasing that I used to get from my old friends as well. "Sean used to make fun of my age all the time too," I said, remembering how he and Cara used to gang up on me at every birthday party I had because I was a full year younger than them both.

"Is Sean your husband?" Pippin asked.

I released a loud, barking laugh, causing Legolas to jump. He was waiting for my response along with the rest of the Fellowship. "Oh good god, no. He's my roommate. I'm too young to be married and I don't really ever plan on it."

Gandalf's eyebrows rose high on his forehead, disappearing underneath the rim of his hat. Before he could say anything though, Legolas spoke. "You live with a man who you are not bound to?" He seemed appalled.

"It's not like I'm sleeping with the man!" I frowned. "That would be like sleeping with my brother."

A silence settled over the group as everyone awkwardly shifting their weight back and forth, or conveniently finding some dirt to dig out from underneath their nails. I just smiled, pretty damn pleased with what was happening.

In an intense effort to change the conversation and with nothing else to do, Aragorn called to me, suggesting that I try learning how to fight. I exchanged one more glance with the still pale Legolas and sauntered towards Aragorn, curious. I had been doing karate and jujitsu for many years of my life, having started as soon as I had a say in the matter. I had become an instructor as well, using the funds I received to pay my way through university. I had tried a couple other things throughout the years, kick boxing being my favorite, but I had never pursued them like I did with the martial arts.

"Have you had any weapons training?" Aragorn questioned. A snort was heard from the direction where Boromir stood but he held his tongue.

"Weapons? Not really, no. I'm more into hand to hand combat." _I betcha didn't see that one coming_.

"What an interesting surprise." Gandalf had walked up behind us and was listening to our conversation. "I dare say, I would love to see you put your skills to the test against Aragorn."

I nodded uncomfortably, most Mary Sues craved attention, but I was not one for standing out. _How unlucky that I be the one dropped into Middle Earth._ Aragorn assessed me, finally nodding. "I will try my best not to injure you Alex."

"Thanks?" I responded, not sure if I should be annoyed or flattered that he cared about my safety. I was definitely leaning towards annoyed. Immediately going on the defense, I waited while Aragorn attacked, blocking his defenses, but never returning any of his blows. I studied his fighting style, noticing that every time he moved forwards to throw a punch he exposed his stomach, making it an easy target. Finally, satisfied that I knew what I was up against, I launched into a series of attacks, blocking, dodging and dealing my own forceful blows in rapid succession. Each strike I made landed with accuracy and precision, forcing the breath from Aragorn's lungs. He had managed to get in one good blow to my ribs and another to my hip, but it wasn't something that would stop me anytime soon. Finally, faking to the right I dropped towards the ground and knocked Aragorn's legs from under him, sending him crashing onto his side. Pulling out the blade I noticed tucked into his boot I held it above his neck, panting.

With a nod, I helped Aragorn clamber back to his feet, pleased with myself. "Now we know whose better in this department, you can teach me how to impale people on point sticks tomorrow."

Aragorn nodded, clutching at his stomach where I had aimed most of my punches. "I am sure that you would be able to protect yourself. Even if there were no weapons around." I nodded and preceded to hand back his blade, but he stopped me. "Keep it. It would appear you may wield it as well as I."

Unexpectedly Gandalf handed some water to me, which I drank thirstily. He nodded at me before turning to talk to Gimli as I viewed the hobbits training with Boromir. They had continued to fight while Aragorn and I were busy. "Get away from the blade, Pippin… on your toes… two, three, four, five… good, very good.

"Move your feet!" Aragorn said, looking towards their fight.

"Quite good, Pippin," Merry chimed in, preparing for his turn.

"Thanks." An uneasy feeling was settling in the pit of my stomach, the words being repeated far too familiar for my liking. I glanced around looking for Gandalf and Gimli.

"If anyone were to ask for my opinion, which I note they have not, I'd say we are taking the long way around. Gandalf, we could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin, Balin, would give us a royal welcome."

Gandalf shook his head, refusing to accept Gimli's claims. "No, Gimli. I would not take the road through Moria unless I had no other choice." _Yeah, well that's what going to happen pretty soon. _Walking over to the fire, I dumped the remaining water that I had onto it, putting it out with a hiss just as Boromir thrust, catching Pippin on the hand with his blade. Picking out a nice little ledge of rock to hide, I grabbed my bag and moved towards the rocky ledge, Legolas sending me strange looks.

"Why do you hide, Alex?" Legolas called, confusion and suspicion fighting for control in his eyes.

"Crebain from Dunland," I replied, as Boromir was tackled to the ground by the hobbits. The elf glanced up into the sky scanning for any sign of the birds. When nothing appeared he turned back to Alex, more confused than before.

"There is naught there but the white wisps of clouds against the blue of the sky."

"Wait," was all I said before I nestled farther into my hiding spot. No more than a moment passed before Legolas's eyes became fixed upon a distant black patch. It looked like flying black smoke in the wind and it rapidly drew nearer.

"What is that?" Sam called out, finally spotting it against the wash of blue.

"Nothing," was Gimli's reply, "It's just a wisp of a cloud."

This time Boromir cut into the conversation, worried. "It's moving fast… against the wind."

"Crebain from Dunland!" _Told you Legolas_.

"Hide!" Aragorn yelled, his words spurring the group into action. "Frodo, come on!" Packing away the camp as quickly as possible, with the help of Legolas and Boromir, they scattered, moving to any spot that would cover them.

"Merry, Pippin, Sam! Take cover!" Boromir yelled, urging the hobbits on. There was just enough time for me to be gracelessly shoved to the side as Legolas crammed himself into my hiding space, before a regiment of large crows flew low over the camp, circling in the air. Their harsh croak echoed thought the hills, before they quickly wheeled back towards the south and flew away.

Gandalf was the first leave his spot amongst the rocks. "Spies of Saruman. The passage South is being watched." Exchanging a long look with Aragorn, Gandalf turned to the rest of us and gestured towards the mountains. "We must take the pass of Caradhras!"

Squeezing past Legolas, I tumbled out of the shallow alcove that we had been in together. I barely had enough time to regain my footing before Legolas was towering above me, his eyes fierce.

"Why did you not warn us of what was to come to pass?"

"I did."

"No, you did not. You hide yourself away while the rest of us remained in the open, vulnerable." His eyes flashed. "The only reason it was mentioned at all was because _I _asked you why _you_ were hiding." I narrowed my eyes but said nothing, waiting in silence as the rest of the Fellowship turned to watch our fight. "The only reason that you were kept alive was so that you could aid us, warn of what was to come before it happened. If it had not been for Gandalf, I would have shot you myself. I have never once known a time when Gandalf has been wrong, but it may have just come to pass."

Unable to hold back any longer I took a step forwards, staring up into Legolas's eyes. "Would you have believed me?" I hissed, malice lacing my words. Legolas moved back a step as he heard the venom that dripped from my voice. "Would you have believed me had I told you to hide? Or would you have ignored my warning just as you did when you found out? I am not wanted here Legolas, let alone trusted. What I say is but a passing phrase, a small, unnoticed sentence tossed in with the words of heroes. I have never once lied to you, or any of the Fellowship, yet I am still not trusted. The ring does not call to me, yet I am still watched like a rabid animal about to be put down. I know the fate of each and every member here, all but my own, yet I remain silent, waiting and watching, refusing to interfere. I sit and I suffer in silence, or walk beside you because I have no other choice but to follow. If you long to be rid of me so strongly, shoot me now, or do not mention my knowledge of the future again and do not blame me for your damn faults." Stepping back I waited, almost hoping that he actually would shot me. Maybe dying here was the only way back, the only way home. The tension thickened as silence stretched between us, continuing for miles in all directions. When nothing happened I resigned myself to the bitter cold that would greet me in the Misty Mountains and turned away from Legolas with a bitter laugh.

"We should leave now if we wish to make good time."

* * *

><p>I trudged up the mountain behind my companions, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. After my earlier blow up I was hoping that it would all just become glossed over when what was soon to happen did, in fact, happen. Just as the thought crossed my mind Frodo slipped, quickly scrambling to his feet afterwards. Instantly I began to search for the ring, knowing it was in vain as Boromir picked it up. His hand closed around the gleaming gold chain, holding it up so that it could dangle in the light.<p>

Aragorn approached warily, his footsteps cautious. "Boromir?"

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing." His eyes had glazed over and I knew he was picturing himself proud, his city safe behind him. "Such a little thing," he mumbled.

"Boromir," Aragorn continued forcefully, "Give the ring to Frodo." His hand inched towards the hilt of his sword, prepared to strike if it was needed.

Snapping from his trance, Boromir looked towards Aragorn before reaching out and dropping the ring into Frodo's hand. "As you wish," he smiled, ruffling Frodo's hair, "I care not." Turning away, Boromir continued up the mountain, passing Aragorn as he unhanded his sword.

As Aragorn turned to walk up the mountain I scrambled over to Frodo, curious as to what the ring looked like. Frodo eyed me warily, but I gave him a reassuring smile and picked up the chain to stare at it. Honestly, I was surprised that Frodo had let me pick it up at all. Maybe he was trying to show me that I was trusted, or he had gone crazy. The second option was highly probable. I stared at the band, slightly let down to be honest. It was an old, tarnished metal ring that hung from a chain. Really, though, the chain was probably the prettiest thing about the whole ensemble. It reminded me of the cheap rings that you could get at the store as stocking stuffers for Christmas or cheap little party favors. With a frown I looked up, ready to hand it back to Frodo. I almost peed myself when I realized the Aragorn had his sword drawn and Legolas had an arrow knocked. This was exactly what I had been getting at. The ring did nothing to me yet I was held at arrow point, while Boromir, the actual problem might I add, got a gentle talking to.

With a sigh I turned towards Frodo and dropped the ring back into his hand, annoyed. "It's awfully tacky," I finally said. "I mean, I was expecting great things from the bloody ring and all that I get is an unpolished hunk of metal. Really! If you're going to build a ring to end all rings at least put in a diamond or something." Rolling my eyes I casually strolled past the armed man and his elven side kick as if nothing had happened.

* * *

><p>The Fellowship struggled around me, a blinding blizzard blocking our view for more than a few feet in front of us. All except for Legolas, that was. Instead the damn elf floated lightly over the surface of the snow, dancing circles around us. Suddenly he paused as Saruman's voiced sweep along the trail, carried by the wind. Urgently he turned towards us. "There is a fowl voice in the air."<p>

"It's Saruman," Gandalf respond as thunder rumbled and rock and shale fell from above.

Aragorn's voice shook with his urgency. "He's trying to bring down the mountain. Gandalf! We must turn back!"

"No!" The roar was loud as Gandalf raised his staff, chanting into the wind. "Losto Caradhras, sedho hodo, nuitho I ruith." (Sleep Caradhras, be still, lie still, hold your wrath).

Saruman's voice strengthened, rolling around us in waves, like thunder pounding down against the rocks. Lightning cracked above us in the sky, hitting the side of the mountain and I lunged to cover Frodo from the bulk of the snow, forcing him against the wall as it fell from the top of the mountain, crashing down towards us. Beside me Aragorn had covered Sam in the same manner, while Legolas pulled Gandalf to safety. I gasped in pain as a shard of ice tore a fiery path down my back, shredding the skin underneath my clothes. The wait of the snow crushed down on me, but I waited, unsure if I really wanted to come up at all. I could go home, if I died here, I was almost positive, but before I could burrow myself deeper into the frozen flecks of water that surrounded me, I was yanked upwards, a tug so forceful it jarred my shoulder and made fire course through my now numb cut.

I looked around me, dazed, as I realized that Legolas was the one who had saved me, pulling me out of the snow. To my left Boromir was urgently trying to convince Aragorn to head towards his home. "We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the West road to my city."

Aragorn shook his head. "The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard."

"We cannot pass over the mountain. Let us go under it." Gimli exclaimed, his face filled with hope. "Let us go through the Mines of Moria." _Poor Gimli, if only he knew what truly lay below the mountain._

A look that I couldn't quite place passed over Gandalf's face. "Let the ringbearer decide." _Real smooth Gandalf, make Frodo do all the hard decision making._

"We cannot stay here," Boromir yelled, "This will be the death of the hobbits."

Frodo looked around at his companions, letting his eyes settle upon Merry and Pippin who were tucked, shivering, in Aragorn's arms.

"Frodo?" Gandalf questioned.

"We will do through the mines."

Gandalf slowly nodded, resigning himself to his fate. It hit me then, the realization that Gandalf knew he was going to die. He knew and he did nothing to stop it. "So be it."

_Did he know he would return as well?_

Climbing to my feet, I barely noticed the blood dripping down my back as we descended the mountain.

* * *

><p>It was night by the time that we finally reached the edge of the dark lake. It crossed my mind more than once to warn the hobbits away from disturbing the water, but, if they didn't wake the lake monster, then the Fellowship wouldn't be forced to go through the mines. <em>Great! Another thing I will eventually get blamed for. I can't wait to see how they take the death of Gandalf.<em>

My hand trailed along the edge of the cliff face and I began to sing show tune in my head, trying to distract myself from the pain of my injury. The more I warmed up, the more it throbbed, and the more I could feel blood slowly dripping from it.

"The walls of Moria!" The proclamation was one of awe as Gimli stared up at his kindreds home. I took another step and almost slipped, catching myself at the last moment.

"Dwarf walls are invisible when closed," Gimli stated, tapping upon the cliffs face with his ax.

"Yes, Gimli, their own masters cannot find them if their secrets are forgotten," Gandalf said.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Legolas mumble caused me to fan girl inside. That was one of my favorite line, directly from the movie.

Gimli let loose an annoyed sigh before continuing on.

Spotting a rock, I settled down for a long wait, watching Gandalf touch the surface of the smooth rock wall between the encroaching trees. Slowly, faint lines appeared. Slender veins of luminous silver running through the stone's surface.

"Itidin," Gandalf proclaimed, "It mirrors only starlight and moonlight." As he spoke a large moon rose from behind the mountain, causing the lines to grow broader and cleared, forming a glowing arch that was interlaced with ancient letters and symbols. "It reads, 'The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter."

"What do you suppose that means?" Merry questioned, eyes wide.

Confidently Gandalf smiled at the little hobbit. "Well, it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open." Raising his arms above his head Gandalf began to chant, and incantation rolling off his lips. "Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen!"

I yawned and looked away, staring out into the depths of the lake. The door remained firmly closed behind me and I was slowly growing more and more tired. He continued mumbling spells at the door, trying in vain to open it. _I'm in for a long night._ Around me everybody exchanged looks, the doors refusing to budge.

"Nothing's happenin'," Pippin stated.

Annoyed, Gandalf pushed against the doors hoping to move them with shear strength alone. He released a grunt from his exertion. "I once knew every spell in all the tongues of elves, men and dwarves."

When the doors didn't move Pippin asked, "What are you going to do then?" His face was full of innocent curiosity as he stared up at Gandalf.

"Knock your head against these doors, Peregrin Took, and if the does not settle, then I will have a little peace from foolish questions," Gandalf responded angrily as Pippin's face fell. In a calmer voice he continued, "I will try to find the opening words." Turning back to the door Gandalf commenced his mutterings as everybody disbanded, finding ways to entertain themselves.

Turning my attention towards the hobbits, I saw Sam unhappily remove the pots and pans that Bill had been carrying. He watched sadly as Bill was unsaddled. "Mines are no place for a pony," Aragorn quietly told Sam, "Even one so brave as Bill."

Forlornly Sam nodded. "Bye bye, Bill."

Slapping Bill on the rump Aragorn spurred him into a trot. "Go on, Bill, go on." Turning to Sam he smiled. "Don't worry Sam, he knows his way home."

My attention was drawn away from the scene before me as I heard a splash echo throughout the mountainside. Merry and Pippin had begun their extremely reckless pastime, tossing stones into the lake, causing large black ripples to slowly ran out across its surface. Pippin pulled his arm back to launch another rock into the water when Aragorn grabbed his arm, stopping him. _Nice try Aragorn, but you're just a little too late. _

"Do not disturb the water." Aragorn watched the surface of the lake anxiously, seeing the ripples grow larger. He exchanged a glance with Boromir as his hand crept towards his sword. Through the murky black of the water nothing could be seen, but I knew what was waiting below. Nervously glancing towards Frodo I prayed that he would figure out the riddle soon. Gandalf still stood before the door, muttering spells under his breath as he tried in vain to open it.

"Are you sure you don't want a clue?" I called, knowing that Gandalf would refuse, but still hoping that I could be of some use. I was just the dead wait that lived off the Fellowships generosity, or whatever they called forced labor.

"Do not tell us that which you know," Gandalf admonished, turning towards me. "If you know the password, that means that I must know it as well, or the mines would never have been opened." _Awfully full of yourself, aren't you?_

"Sir, yes sir!" I flashed Gandalf a mock salute, biting down on the hiss that escaped my lungs as my shoulder was jarred. With narrowed eyes Gandalf turned back towards the mines, continuing his game of guess the spell. Glancing around quickly I checked to see if anybody had heard my grunt of discomfort, relaxing when I noticed that nobody was looking my way. Closing my eyes to will away the pain I barely managed to stop a scream from leaving me as I was startled suddenly.

"You have been hurt." The sentence was a statement, one of certainty.

Swinging around, I opened my mouth to deny it, but the look upon Legolas's faces pulled me up short. It was a look of sheer determination. With a lack of anything better to say, I went for one of the more polite phrases I could think of. Not. Open mouth, insert foot. "Jesus, elf, you need a bell." Somehow though it almost managed to elicit a smile from Legolas's mouth. It ghosted quickly across his face before it returned to one of indifferent concern. Who knew that was even an expression?

"Where are you injured Alex?"

"Uh, look Legolas, it's not really that bad, nothing a bit of Polysporin and a Band-Aid won't fix." Realizing that he probably wouldn't understand me I went for the more direct approach. "The bleeding will stop soon. I'm fine." Turning my back towards him I began debating if the hobbits would be willing to play tic tac toe with me when a gasp pulled me up short.

"Alex, look at your back? There is blood everywhere."

"I got enough hyperboles in English class, I don't need any more from you."

Legolas ignored my sarcasm, calling Aragorn over instead. _Fabulous, the dynamic duo together again._ More than anything I just didn't want to be a bother. I was already an extra weight that they didn't need to be carrying around.

"How long have you been bleeding?" Aragorn demanded, his voice stern.

"Since I had a mountain dropped on me." Legolas's brow furrowed and Aragorn looked almost… concerned? My tiredness was probably just playing tricks on me. "Look," I said, as I began to pull the hoodie off my head, leaving me only in a thin tank top, "It'll stop bleeding and then you'll have all wasted your energy on something that isn't important, unlike the wasted calamari that's about to show up." I ignored the fire coursing from the wound as I finally untangled myself from the hoodie. The cold air hit my arms and I shivered.

Aragorn forced air through his teeth as he pulled down the back of my top, taking in the full view of my wound. "I must cleanse and dress this immediately." Turning towards his pack he pulled from it some herbs, water and linens. "Why did you not tell me of this sooner Alex? You have lost a lot of blood already and, had Legolas not noticed, it would have gotten much worse."

I moved to shrug my shoulders, but then thought better of it. "It didn't seem important. We were escaping from an Voldemort and you had other things to worry about."

Aragorn remained silent for a moment as he got to work cleaning my wound, every few seconds repositioning my tank top. "Just wait." I managed to somehow remove the straps of my tank top from my shoulders as well, leaving it pushed just under the bottom edge of my bra. I was left sitting in front of Aragorn and Legolas in only a bra, half a tank top and leggings, which I would like to add, was not that scandalous. Not at all. Legolas's ears flushed a pale shade of pink. _Right, they're very, ah, noble. _They stared at me for a moment before reverting their gazes. "Calm down guys, it's not like being in a bra in front of the opposite sex is magically going to impregnate me of something. Grow a pair and get this over with. Besides, aren't you supposed to be a professional healer or something?"

"At least cover up your front, Alex," Legolas begged in a strained voice.

"Why, Legolas? Do I make you uncomfortable? Are you trying to protect my virtue? How admirable... misguided, but admirable. I am perfectly able to take care of myself." Legolas's eyed widened, almost doubling in size. It was quite comical really. "Come on Aragorn, we don't got all day. Frodo's gonna figure it out soon." I said it quickly, cutting of Legolas' next comment about what I assumed was my current predicament and my inability to safeguard my own person.

Awkwardly Aragorn began to tend to my shoulder, lighting it on fire with each touch that he gave it. I bit down onto my lip, forcing myself to swallow my screams was the pain built._ A little bit of pain never killed anybody. Besides, it has to get worse before it can get better. _

You know what! Shut up!

_I'm just trying to give you moral support._

Oh my god, I'm going crazy. Talking to myself was not a normal thing to do. Trying to distract myself from the pain and the new found, very social part of my brain, I turned my attention back to Legolas. "Distract me," I hissed through my teeth, biting back a moan.

Legolas glanced at me quickly before returning his eyes to anything that wasn't me. "What would you have me do?"

"I don't know, tell me something about yourself."

"You must be more specific for I do not know what you already know about me."

"Fine, um, tell me about your obviously limited experiences with the female population."

I could see Legolas's ears heat up once more as Aragorn laughed behind me. "My father has had me court two elleth in my life in hopes of finding me a suitable mate, but eventually we parted ways."

"That's it? That's all I get as I wraith in agony over here? I was hoping for something a bit more, I don't know, scandalous." Legolas grimaced at my choice of words.

"That is…" He trailed off at a loss for something to say.

Legolas opened his mouth to respond, but was saved by Aragorn, announcing he was done. The burning in my shoulder had been reduced to a painful throb and the bleeding had stopped. Whatever Aragorn had done, it had helped greatly. Turning around I smiled at Aragorn happily. "Thanks for everything," I stated before pulling up my tank top and carefully easing it over my arms, closely followed by the hoodie. I let out a contented sigh as my cold skin began to warm up once more. Moving back around to face Legolas, I smiled at him as well. "Thanks to you too. That was just the distraction I needed."

Legolas dipped his head to me in welcome, but quickly retreated, more than likely afraid I was going to tarnish his innocent mind. _At least that had helped pass the time. _I smiled as, in despair, Gandalf halted his attempts at opening the door, out of options. _Yes! Finally something is about to happen! _

"Oh, it's useless." Gandalf pulled off his hat as he positioned himself beside Frodo on the rocks, he did not notice as Frodo peered closely at the Elvish inscription, his face breaking into a smile as he began to comprehend the meaning. _Atta boy, Frodo!_

"It's a riddle," Frodo mumbled quietly, making Gandalf raise his eyebrows. "Speak, friend, and enter. What's the Elvish word for friend?" _Mellon._

"Huh? Oh, mellon," Gandalf responded. At the sound of the word, the rock face silently divided into two, splitting down the middle as two great doors swing outward. Peering into the mines all that greeted me was blackness so deep it looked like velvet, smooth and ready to smother me. Jumping ahead of the group, I recede inside, knowing what was about to rise up from the water as I saw it stir from the corner of my eye. The Fellowship followed warily behind me, entering the dank cavern cautiously. Winding steps lead into the darkness, leading deeper into the mountain.

Gimli puffed up his chest proudly as he strutted forwards. _Poor Gimli._ My heart ached for what he was about to see, but it was unavoidable. "Soon, master elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves: roaring fires, malt beer, red meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin, Balin! And they call it a mine." He snorted. "A mine!"

As Gimli talked Gandalf lit his staff, illuminating the area around them. I cringed, even knowing what I was about to see. Strewn across the room, were the scattered remains of a once great kingdom, dwarf skeletons, long since perished. It was obvious a battle had be waged in the mines, one years passed. The scene was littered with rusted armor and shields peppered with arrows. Axes and swords lay haphazardly among the dead, remaining timeless while their owners wasted away.

"This is no mine," Boromir's grim voice stated, "It's a tomb!"

In horror Gimli rushed forwards, dropping to his knees. "No, no, noooo!" The anguish was clearly written across his face.

Leaning down, Legolas pulled a crudely made arrow from the skeleton of a dwarf. "Goblins!" It was spat from his lips like a curse. Drawing their swords the Fellowship backed towards the entrance, preparing to flee. I just waited, knowing that it was pointless to leave and pointless to draw the small dagger I had stashed in my boot.

"We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here," Boromir stated. "Now get out of here, get out."

Suddenly, Frodo was ripped away from the entrance, being pulled by a long, sinuous tentacle across the ground. It had wrapped around Frodo's ankle and was dragging him towards the lake. Frodo's cries echoed throughout the cave as the hobbits rushed forwards to help him, swinging their swords. Sam severed the tentacle that was holding Frodo, pulling him to safety as the other hobbits continued to hack at the writhing limbs around them. More tentacles emerged from the lake, causing the water to boil as the monster lashed out, aiming viciously at us, managing to grab Frodo before anybody could stop it.

I watched helplessly, fascination and horror warring for a place in my mind as Frodo was pulled towards the lake. Aragorn and Boromir slashed at the tentacles as they fought against them, while Legolas fired arrow after arrow towards the creature, barely leaving a dent. As the miniature battle raged, Frodo was flung into the air just as Boromir hacked at the tentacle holding him. He plummeted towards the ground, being caught at the last moment by Boromir, barely managing to avoid breaking against the ground.

Gandalf's yell rang above the noise. "Into the mines!"

Boromir and Aragorn continued to fight against the flailing limbs, slowly backing towards the mines, protecting Frodo as they went. "Legolas!" The call was met with an understanding nod as Legolas fired a perfectly aimed arrow into the creature's head, gaining the three comrades the few vital seconds they needed to race from the water. I continued to watch as the remaining members of the Fellowship hurriedly backed away from the creature, retreating into the chamber as coiling arms seized the large doors to the mines. With a shattering echo, the doors were ripped away from the walls, sending rocks crashing down the cliff face. Within seconds the entrance had been sealed, tons of rocks lying across the only exit on this side of the mines. As the final rocks fell into place all the light that had been shining into the chasm before disappeared, plunging us into blackness.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: ****I am so so sorry it took me so long to update. Anybody that is still sticking with this story had my greatest thanks. I have a lot of things going on recently, but I've finally managed to get this chapter out. I have the next chapter almost finished, so you should see it within the next week. Please review, it would mean the world to me. Have a great day! **

**Once again, everything that is recognizable is not mine and has been crafted by the mortal god Tolkien. I own Alex and Alex alone. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Gandalf thumped his staff against the ground, causing streaks of light to shoot out from it and illuminate the cavern. An eerie glow was thrown across Gandalf's face as he spoke. "We now have but one choice; we must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard, there are older and fouler things than the Orcs in the deep places of the world." <em>Tell me about it!<em> I shuddered at the thought of what we were about to encounter, something much worse than the Watcher. We descended a trail of crumbling stairs and worked our way towards a bridge that hung precariously above the deep mine workings.

"Great," I grumbled, "the first of many bridges." My voice echoed around the cavern as everybody turned to look at me.

Gandalf shot me a disapproving glance. "Quietly, now, it's a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence will go unnoticed." I was pretty damn sure that what Gandalf really wanted to say was, "Shut the hell up, Alex." He was just too polite to bother. I shot Gandalf a smile, but remained silent as we continued on, climbing up a steep staircase into a dwarf cemetery. The skeletal remains of the dwarfs were strewn about and writing was scrawled messily on monuments in dried Dwarfs blood. I heard Gimli give a barely audible gasp, but nothing was said.

The silence was suffocating as we continued on, but I refused to be the first to break it. Just as the silence began to eat away at my sanity, Pippin whispered through the quiet.

"Alex?" _Good old Pippin_, I could always count on him.

"Yes?" Gandalf shot us a look, as did Aragorn, but neither of them said a word.

"Can you tell me a story?"

I smiled down at the hobbit, taking in his hopeful expression. "What type of story do you have in mind?"

Pippin looked thoughtfully at Merry, who had taken an interest in the conversation. "What type of stories do you know?"

"Well, I used to read a lot." I thought about it, realizing that they wouldn't know any of the hundreds of stories that I did. "How about…" I recalled some of my favorite childhood fairy tales. "How about the story of Peter Pan?"

"Peter Pan?" Frodo asked me quietly, making me jump. I hadn't realized he was standing on the other side of me. _These poor, deprived hobbits. _

"He was a little boy that could fly and would never grow up."

Pippin's eyes brightened. "Oh yes! Tell us about this Peter Pan."

I dragged up the long forgotten memories of the stories that my mother used to tell me before I was tucked into bed. Gathering my thoughts, I launched into the tale.

"In a nondescript house trapped in the twisting streets of London," I saw Pippin's mouth open, but I continued on, "Rests the home of the slightly eccentric, but typical, Darling family. Mr. and Mrs. Darling have fallen upon hard times and worry continually about paying the bills, constantly cutting corners to make ends meet. It was due to these cut corners that the three Darling children, Wendy, John and little Michael, found themselves with a new, much cheaper nurse, a Newfoundland dog that the Darlings called Nana. Our story begins during the night, as Nana watches protectively from her kennel in the nursery."

Pippin's curiosity finally burst forth, abruptly cutting off the story. "What's London?"

"It's a pl-"

"And what are bills?"

"Th-"

"And how is a dog a nurse?"

"It-"

"And what's a kennel?"

I waited, looking expectantly at Pippin. He grinned sheepishly at me, finally stemming the flow of questions. "Are you finished?" I asked after a moment had passed.

Pippin nodded, looking at me with curious eyes. _I hope I never see a hobbit child. They must get away with everything._ "Okay, London is a ci-"

"Mr. and Mrs. are strange names for a person." This time Sam threw out the question. I gritted my teeth and sighed. I should have known this would take me forever. Half the things that I had just mentioned would have never been heard of before.

"Any other questions?" I asked quietly, trying to keep my voice down when I noticed that Gandalf was looking in our direction. In fact, Gimli had dropped back to stand closer to out group as he listened to what was being said and Boromir and Aragorn had secede their quiet rumblings to listen. The only person who wasn't actively listening to the story was Legolas, but you could never tell with the bloody ears that the wanker had on him. I flushed a light pink in the dark cavern, embarrassed. _I did not sign up to be the unpaid entertainment._

"Alex?"

I jumped as Frodo tugged on the corner of my hoodie, not realizing that I had zoned out. "What is London?"

I searched the little hobbits face and finally gave in. I had a small inkling of what Frodo was going through and if I could distract him, why not?

"London is a great city of steel and glass and asphalt that can be found in England."

I heard Gimli scoff, but I ignored him, until he grumbled out a, "It cannot be bigger than the towering kingdoms that we have carved from stone walls."

"I wouldn't know Gimli," I said, taking a calming breath. One gets easily irritate when dumped into a new dimension, it would appear. "London has a population of at least 8 million, use that for comparison."

Boromir let out a snort to accompany Gimli's disbelieving look. "That is more than the population of all of Middle Earth combined."

"Well then your men and woman must be very bored." Gandalf shot me a disapproving look, about the hundredth one in the last hour. Boromir, on the other hand, spluttered like a fish out of water, his mouth gapping open and closed with no sound coming out.

I turned away and clamped my hands together, cringing when the sound bounced loudly off the walls, amplifying as it echoed down the corridor. Legolas jumped and looked back at me before he moved forward to "scout for any disturbances" which I read as "if the goblins attack, it's your fault." _Happy to be of services._

Everyone took that as their silent cue to be quiet, which lasted for all of ten minutes before, "Alex? What are bills?" was whispered quietly by my elbow.

I glanced around, before leaning down to mumble a response to the waiting hobbits. "If I answer these questions, we have to be silent until our next break." They nodded eagerly. "Bills are like taxes, or duties, or tariffs." I paused. "I'm not really sure what you call them here," but the hobbits nodded as if they understood so I continued on. "A kennel's like a big box that you keep an animal in when you don't want it roaming around and Mr. and Mrs. are just polite ways to refer to the Darlings. Kinda like calling someone Lord and Lady, I guess." The hobbits nodded, but I wasn't sure they were following anymore.

"Why have a dog if you just want to put it in a box?" asked Merry

"You lock it up to keep it out of trouble, like tying it on a leash."

"But if it can't do anything, it would be a terrible nurse."

"I suppose. Nana is mostly around to protect the children. Which, I guess, isn't possible from inside the box, but that isn't the point. Nana needs to be in the kennel for the rest of the story to play out." The hobbits finally gave an understanding nod. "You know, exposition, initial incident, rising action, all that jazz." The understanding nods stopped. _This is going to be harder than I thought._ "Now, silence."

The rest of the day's journey through the dark mines was punctuated by the occasional exclamations of Gandalf and the quiet whispers of the rest of the fellowship. I followed in silence until the Aragorn finally called a halt for the night, nestling us into a shallow dip in the wall. I flopped to the floor with a quiet groan. My feet and calves ached and my shoulder had settled into a steadily throbbing tempo that pounded with each step that I took. I had never been a hiker and I was beginning to seriously regret that.

The sound of shuffling behind me caught my attention, drawing my eyes up to a serious looking Legolas. _When was he not serious? _"Mrs. Alex," the way he said my name made me grin, unable to hold back the laughter that was fighting off my weariness. His mouth twitched into a frown for a moment, before the serious expression returned. "What have I done to cause such mirth?" The question added to the amusement until I was doubled over with laughter. What was so funny, I wasn't sure. _I must be seriously sleep deprived. _

"The… you… Mrs… Miss… married." I gasped out between words, finally managing to forces the hysterical laughter down.

_Man, we are cracking. _

Did you just refer to us as we?

_Yes, practical half, I did._

Oh my God, stop talking. There is only one of us!

_Then why are you calling us "us"?_

I glanced upward at Legolas, only catching the end of what he was saying. _Yeah, all this world jumping was making me crazy._ I tuned into the one sided conversation Legolas was having, ending the monologue inside my head. "… You can sleep in my bed tonight." He gave me a hesitant, but reassuring smile, while my mind went blank. _Sleep with Legolas?_ I must have missed something.

"What?" _Well, that was elegant._

"You can sleep in my bed tonight."

"Yeah, but why? If compensation for the food is what you're looking for, you're not getting anything." The tips of Legolas's ears turned a fiery shade of pink.

Ignoring the comment, he began to re-explain what I'm sure he had probably already said. "It is cold and I have first watch, instead of sleeping on the floor, you may take my bed. When I am finished, I will take Aragorn's so as not to wake you." _What a nice thought. And they say chivalry is dead… while it is in the 21st century._

"Are you sure, I don't want to cause any problems."

"Quite certain, it is already laid out against the wall."

"Well in that case, thanks. I accept the extended olive branch." Legolas blinked at me in confusion (everybody seemed to be doing that a lot recently), but I scrambled over to the pallet before he could change his mind, dumping my stuff on top. Everyone else had already set up their beds while I had been lying like a bum on the cold floor, making me feel decidedly lazy. Before I could lie down and, most likely conk out, I moved towards the hobbits, looking to help. Pippin shoved a piece of food into my hands, dragging me over to a small cropping of rocks.

"Your only job is telling us the rest of the story of this Peter Pan." That was something I could do.

"Okay, where did I leave off?"

"Nana in the kennel." I almost had a heart attack as Gandalf appeared beside me, settling himself upon the most comfortable of the rocks. As if to answer my unspoken question he continued. "I enjoy a good story every now and then." _Okay then._

The other hobbits had gathered around, and the rest of the group had not so subtly drifted closer to where I now placed myself, looking at them all. "One this night, Mrs. Darling sits with the children as they sleep. Drowsing, she is awakened by a slight draft from the window, and, looking around, she sees a strange boy in the room. She screams, and Nana, who Mrs. Darling quickly lets from the kennel, lunges for the intruder. Before she can catch him though, the boy leaps out the window, leaving only his shadow behind. He had been accompanied by a ball of light that had flitted to and fro about the room, but it too has escaped. Mrs. Darling rolls up the boy's shadow and puts it in a drawer, believing that the boy will come back for it sometime soon and thus may be caught."

Pippin opens his mouth, but I jump in before he can interrupt me again. "Let me finish the story, and then you many ask me as many questions as you want tomorrow." Grudgingly, Pippin nods.

"When Mr. Darling is told of the incident he considers it a little silly; at present he is more concerned with finding a different nurse for the children. Believing that the dog, Nana, is getting too much authority in the household, Mr. Darling drags her out of the house and locks her up."

"Mr. and Mrs. Darling go out the following night, leaving only a maid to look in on the children occasionally. After the lights are out and the children are asleep, the intruder returns. The boy, whose name is Peter Pan, is accompanied by Tinker Bell, a fairy who appears as a ball of light. Peter finds his shadow after searching in all the drawers in the nursery, but in his excitement he shuts Tinker Bell in one of the drawers."

"As Peter tries to get his shadow to stick to him again, he makes enough noise to awaken Wendy, the daughter of the household. Peter tells Wendy that he ran away the day he was born because he heard his parents talking about all the things he would do when he was a man; he went to live with the fairies so that he would never have to grow up. Suddenly he remembers Tinker Bell, and he looks for her until he finds her in one of the nursery dressers. Tinker Bell, a ball of light no bigger than a fist, is so small that Wendy can hardly see her. She is not a very polite fairy—she calls Wendy horrible names."

Pippin opens his mouth to interrupt again, but Merry elbows him quickly in the side, silencing him.

"Peter tells Wendy, the only girl of the three Darling children and instantly his favorite, that he and Tinker Bell live in Neverland with the lost boys, boys who had fallen out of their baby carriages and were never found again. He had come to Wendy's house to listen to her mother tell stories to the others. Peter, begging Wendy and her brothers to go back to Neverland with him, promises to teach them to fly. The idea is too much for the children to resist. After a little practice they all fly out the window, barely escaping their parents and Nana, who has broken her chain to warn Mr. and Mrs. Darling of the danger to the children."

"In Neverland, the Indians, with their chief and their princess, help to protect the lost boys against a group of mean pirates led by Captain Hook, who has a hook where one of his hands used to be. It is Hook's greatest desire to capture Peter Pan, for Peter is the one who tore off Hook's arm and fed it to a crocodile. The crocodile so liked the taste of the arm that he now follows Hook everywhere, waiting for a chance to eat the rest of him. The crocodile has, unhappily, also swallowed a clock, and its ticking warns Hook whenever the crocodile approaches."

Pippin lets out a none to quiet yawn.

"To this strange land Wendy and her brothers fly with Peter Pan. The lost boys, seeing Wendy first in the sky when they arrive, think that she is a giant bird, and one of them shoots her with a bow and arrow. The jealous Tinker Bell had suggested the deed. Peter arrives and, after finding that Wendy is only stunned, banishes Tinker Bell for a week to punish her for provoking the attack. He then tells the others that he has brought Wendy to them. They promptly build her a house and ask her to be their mother. Wendy thinks that taking care of so many children is a great responsibility, but she quickly assumes her duties by telling them stories and putting them to bed."

"Kind of like what you are doing now," the small words come from a forlorn looking Frodo. _Right, no parents._ _We're almost like kindred spirits. _The bitter thought enters my mind before I can stop it.

"Exactly!" I force a smile onto my face. "And because of that, we should all go to bed."

"But you can't just stop there!" Pippin makes a loud noise of complaint.

"You are half asleep as it is, Pip." Aragorn interjects and I shoot him a grateful smile for his intervention. Demanding hobbits are a force to be reckoned with. Springing up from my place on the rocks, I move towards the pallet that Legolas left for me.

"You will have to end the tale tomorrow, Miss Alex." Gandalf rumbles from behind me and I freeze, a chill settling over me. "You never know what might happen, and a good tale must always end." I jerk my head in a sharp nod, not turning around to look at him. Lying quietly down on the bed, I cocoon myself in the thin, but surprisingly warm blanket and close my eyes, waiting for the others to fall asleep.

Finally, I crack my eyes open, surrounded by darkness without the light from Gandalf's staff. _He knows for sure._

Sleep evades me for the remainder of the evening.


End file.
